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Introductory Text

Magical Space Pussy
The Neonazi Narrative Part 01 16th Post Posted 24 April 2016 at 15:49:32 EDT Link to original

When you're hanging out with a tribe of Nazi acid-heads, "magical space pussy" doesn't even register on the weird-o-meter.

I mean, they talked about so much weird shit, and so much of it was total bullshit, that I didn't pay any fucking attention to it. It was the sixties. Talking about magical space pussies was like asking somebody how their day went.

It was just conversation to me.

But to them it wasn't.

That was a strange time in my life. I had spent the last six months going from commune to commune, just checking them out.

They were all bullshit.

Every one of them was just some guy on a power trip and a bunch of women who grown up with bad fathers hanging on his every word, hoping he would solve all their problems.

That's the only way the commune system worked.

The guy got control of the women, and the women attracted a few guys to do the manual labor, but in the end it was basically just a new system of pimping.

I mean, I'm from Brooklyn.

I've seen pimping.

These chicks had tried to escape society and just gotten themselves pimped out.

It was tragic.

But too tragic for me to give a shit about it.

So I went out to Death Valley.

Why did I go there?

Why does anybody?

Because it has a cool name.

If it was called Some Scorpions and Bunch of Fucking Rocks, which is what it actually is, nobody would go.

I had decided I was done with counter-culture, I was done with the regular culture.

I was done with all.

I would go where nobody would bother me and just try to figure myself out. Get a little peace and quiet. A month later, the Manson family moved in next door.

For a while it was just a nice little guy named Paul and some girls living a few miles from my little shack.

Seemed harmless.

Then the whole family came in. Charlie too.

They had already committed the murders at this point. It was big news, but nobody knew who did it. I surely didn't connect it to this band of weirdos next door. They seemed too stupid to pull off anything newsworthy. Just another bullshit commune.

Once Charlie got there, the family seemed to spend most of their driving their dune buggies around, pretending to be the fucking Afrika Korps.

I mean, Charlie would put on a helmet with a swastika and lead them in maneuvers. I had never met racist nazi hippies before, but there's a first time for everything. Some of them even talked about "Uncle Adolf" and how he knew the score, how he should have won the war.

I was a mechanic in the army, so I helped them out with the buggies and got to know them a little.

Slowly, their little philosophy trickled down to me.

They thought America was on the verge of an apocalyptic race war. Blacks on white. Helter Skelter. The Watts riots in every city.

That part actually seemed pretty plausible.

I mean, you have to understand, in 1969, the country had been getting weirder and weirder, more and more violent every year.

Nobody was quite sure when it would end. Nobody knew that in the 70s the counterculture would just kinda peter out into a bunch of fucking James Taylor albums.

They said that they had come to the desert to find a hideout so they would be safe while the Helter Skelter race war was going on.

They said that somewhere out in the desert, there was "Bottomless Pit" full of wonders and treasures.

In the Bible, Revelation speaks of the Tree of Life, which bears twelve kinds of fruit, one for every month. They said this tree was growing inside the Bottomless Pit, and would give them all the food they wanted while they waited out the war.

When it was over, they said, they would emerge and Charlie would rule the world as the new Christ.

So that part was a little less plausible.

And then I started hearing about the magical space vagina.

I had become friends with Paul, who was actually a nice guy who just wanted to fuck the girls and get stoned and didn't really get into the whole nazi thing.

He said that they were searching for the entrance to the Bottomless Pit. He said that entrance would be made of flesh growing out of the rocks, like a giant pussy so big you could stroll right in.

I told him he thought about pussy way too much.

But he was serious.

He said that the technology to turn rocks into flesh was from outer space, and its secrets had been taught to Charlie by Uncle Adolph.

Until then, I had thought that Uncle Adolph was their name for Hitler.

Slowly, as I learned more, I started to realize that they were talking about somebody who was still alive.

Somebody they actually knew.

They told me he was coming soon.