The Neonazi Narrative

Introductory Text

Magical Space Pussy
The Neonazi Narrative Part 01 16th Post Posted 24 April 2016 at 15:49:32 EDT Link to original

When you're hanging out with a tribe of Nazi acid-heads, "magical space pussy" doesn't even register on the weird-o-meter.

I mean, they talked about so much weird shit, and so much of it was total bullshit, that I didn't pay any fucking attention to it. It was the sixties. Talking about magical space pussies was like asking somebody how their day went.

It was just conversation to me.

But to them it wasn't.

That was a strange time in my life. I had spent the last six months going from commune to commune, just checking them out.

They were all bullshit.

Every one of them was just some guy on a power trip and a bunch of women who grown up with bad fathers hanging on his every word, hoping he would solve all their problems.

That's the only way the commune system worked.

The guy got control of the women, and the women attracted a few guys to do the manual labor, but in the end it was basically just a new system of pimping.

I mean, I'm from Brooklyn.

I've seen pimping.

These chicks had tried to escape society and just gotten themselves pimped out.

It was tragic.

But too tragic for me to give a shit about it.

So I went out to Death Valley.

Why did I go there?

Why does anybody?

Because it has a cool name.

If it was called Some Scorpions and Bunch of Fucking Rocks, which is what it actually is, nobody would go.

I had decided I was done with counter-culture, I was done with the regular culture.

I was done with all.

I would go where nobody would bother me and just try to figure myself out. Get a little peace and quiet. A month later, the Manson family moved in next door.

For a while it was just a nice little guy named Paul and some girls living a few miles from my little shack.

Seemed harmless.

Then the whole family came in. Charlie too.

They had already committed the murders at this point. It was big news, but nobody knew who did it. I surely didn't connect it to this band of weirdos next door. They seemed too stupid to pull off anything newsworthy. Just another bullshit commune.

Once Charlie got there, the family seemed to spend most of their driving their dune buggies around, pretending to be the fucking Afrika Korps.

I mean, Charlie would put on a helmet with a swastika and lead them in maneuvers. I had never met racist nazi hippies before, but there's a first time for everything. Some of them even talked about "Uncle Adolf" and how he knew the score, how he should have won the war.

I was a mechanic in the army, so I helped them out with the buggies and got to know them a little.

Slowly, their little philosophy trickled down to me.

They thought America was on the verge of an apocalyptic race war. Blacks on white. Helter Skelter. The Watts riots in every city.

That part actually seemed pretty plausible.

I mean, you have to understand, in 1969, the country had been getting weirder and weirder, more and more violent every year.

Nobody was quite sure when it would end. Nobody knew that in the 70s the counterculture would just kinda peter out into a bunch of fucking James Taylor albums.

They said that they had come to the desert to find a hideout so they would be safe while the Helter Skelter race war was going on.

They said that somewhere out in the desert, there was "Bottomless Pit" full of wonders and treasures.

In the Bible, Revelation speaks of the Tree of Life, which bears twelve kinds of fruit, one for every month. They said this tree was growing inside the Bottomless Pit, and would give them all the food they wanted while they waited out the war.

When it was over, they said, they would emerge and Charlie would rule the world as the new Christ.

So that part was a little less plausible.

And then I started hearing about the magical space vagina.

I had become friends with Paul, who was actually a nice guy who just wanted to fuck the girls and get stoned and didn't really get into the whole nazi thing.

He said that they were searching for the entrance to the Bottomless Pit. He said that entrance would be made of flesh growing out of the rocks, like a giant pussy so big you could stroll right in.

I told him he thought about pussy way too much.

But he was serious.

He said that the technology to turn rocks into flesh was from outer space, and its secrets had been taught to Charlie by Uncle Adolph.

Until then, I had thought that Uncle Adolph was their name for Hitler.

Slowly, as I learned more, I started to realize that they were talking about somebody who was still alive.

Somebody they actually knew.

They told me he was coming soon.

Magical Space Pussy 2
The Neonazi Narrative Part 02 23rd Post Posted 27 April 2016 at 14:52:27 EDT Link to original

I suppose it's time to tell you what was inside the magical space pussy. You can believe me or not. What do I care? I'm the guy who's been inside the magical space pussy. My life has been pretty much downhill since then. I mean, fuck Neil Armstrong. What did he see? A bunch of gray rocks? Big fucking deal. I saw a chooch growing out of the side of a canyon. Top that, NASA! You Tang-drinking cocksuckers!

Anyways... where was I? Ah, yes, Uncle Adolf. So I was living in Death Valley, hanging out with the Manson Family, and Charlie kept mentioning this guy, "Uncle Adolph," and I figured he's talking about Hitler because he's sort of into this white supremacy thing. But then I started realizing that he's talking about a guy who's still alive. Then one day, the guy showed up.

They asked me to come over to their cabin, and this old guy was sitting there: white hair, deep tan, lined face, pale eyes. He introduced himself as Adolf, and he's got a German accent. He made no secret of the fact that he was an ex-Nazi. This made me nervous. That's kinda something you keep under your hat. He said he found Charlie at Berkeley, that Charlie was "perfect for my purpose." I asked what his purpose was. He said, "testing."

I kinda shrugged because I didn't really give a shit about his little coy answer, and I got up to leave when this mongoloid motherfucker they called Clem punched me straight in the face, and suddenly I was on my ass. There were a couple girls there, and they jumped on me and held me down and tied my hands behind my back. If I had known what they had done to Sharon Tate, I would've been unspeakably terrified, but as it was, I was merely really, really scared.

They tossed me into the back of the dune buggy and drove out into the desert. It was midday, and the sky was just one giant glare. We drove for over an hour, and eventually they got me out and hauled me down into this deep sandy arroyo, and they started marching me down it. They had put wooden stakes into the ground at various points, and when we came to them, they seemed to be really careful to always stay in between the stakes. Later, they had chains tied between the stakes, and we all had to go under the chains like some kind of obstacle course. I didn't know what to make of it. I had a lot to process at the time.

I started to notice that the rock walls of the arroyo were... abnormal. There were strange striations through the rock and what looked liked the cross sections of giant insect tunnels. I had never seen rocks like that. The whole thing was just... very alien.

Then I started to hear the screaming. Up ahead, I could hear people's voices, thousands of voices, all of them screaming and howling at once. Slowly, incredibly, the screaming changed into a kind of laughter, an insane laughter, giggles and chuckles and titters. I wondered if it was in my head, if I was so scared that my mind had cracked or if they had dosed me with LSD or something.

Finally, we went around a bend in the arroyo and, well, there it was. They said it would be a pussy, and I guess it kind of looked like one. Maybe after some kind of drastic dildo mishap. It was just... flesh. Wrinkled, lobed, flabby flesh, growing out of the rock like mold or something. It had hair and pores and freckles. Some of it was pale, some of it was black. It was taller than me, and in the center there was an opening. Pink and wet, like a pussy.

The kraut told me he wanted to see its "level of development." He took a revolver from one of the girls and pointed it at my face and told me to walk inside. It was either get shot or go into the big mangled pussy. It was honestly a tough choice. There was something completely fucked up, completely not right about that thing. Something in my bones told me not to go into it. Not to go near it. To just take the bullet in the head. But I figured maybe I could go in just a little bit and then wait for them to leave and get the hell out of there. Not a great plan, but the best I could come up with.

So I went in. The entrance was just barely wide enough to slip into. All I could see was glistening pink flesh ahead. There was this sound like laughter and then screaming and then laughter that was coming from deep inside. The walls were blood warm on my shoulders, and the smell was... well, what you might expect. Not great. Let's just say it was not great.

I pushed forward and the walls kind of gave way and found myself moving through this slimy, suffocating flesh, and I'm starting to panic because my hands are still tied behind my back, and I'm feeling like I'm about to choke on this stuff, and the walls are moving, like pulsating. I feel like I'm being digested. Then, suddenly, I'm pushed through into this kind of chamber.

Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. The chamber was... just a nightmare. I mean, I never... I've just never seen that. It was unholy. There were faces and heads and legs all kind of fused together. The walls were just all these crawling limbs and these terrified faces and fusions of teeth and cheeks and hair and fingers coming out of knees and just... they... all those people! Were they still people? Had they ever been people? Had they been made a part of that thing?

I started to scream. Everything around me was screaming, all the mouths on the walls were screaming, and I was screaming too. Then I was laughing, and I felt hands and mouths all over my body and they were tickling me, touching me all over. Then I was screaming again. I had to get out of there. I had to get out of the nightmare. I started pushing back towards the entrance, but the hands were all over me. I felt something bite into my hip. A mouth was biting me. I screamed at the sharp pain and moved away from it. I started to think that maybe I could get one of the mouths to bite through my ropes, and then I would at least have my hands free.

I struggled to turn around and move the ropes toward the mouth, but just when I got it in position, the mouth bit right into my finger instead. The pain was incredible, but I was giggling, just laughing and laughing. The mouth pulled the flesh from my finger like it was a chicken wing. Another mouth bit into my shoulder. I was chuckling away at this point. The hands were grabbing me, pulling on me, pulling me apart, tearing my arms right out of their sockets. Fingers were digging in between my ribs. I was slathered with blood and screaming, screaming as the fingers dug into my eyes.

Well, I guess that this point you're probably wondering how I, your intrepid narrator, managed to escape the Bottomless Pit, how I managed to survive to tell you this tale. I simply didn't. I never escaped the Bottomless Pit. I am the Bottomless Pit. Hahaha. I am the Tree of Life.